That is the question, should your daughter wrestle? Will she have to wrestle boys? Isn’t all that groping inappropriate? Boys wrestling girls is okay when they’re little, but what about when they get to middle school and high school? All good questions with no real one size fits all answer. Let’s explore those questions.
Will She Have to Wrestle Boys?
As we travel to AAU wrestling tournaments, we see girls and boys everywhere. Many opt to offer a girls only division and can if the numbers support the various weight classes and bracket formation. However, smaller tournaments simply may not have the numbers to support separate boys and girls divisions. Boys will be wrestling girls.
One of the best comments I have heard came from a first grade boy who had to wrestle a girl in his class. “When you have to wrestle a friend, you just do your best like it was anyone else and when it’s over, you’re still friends.” Wisdom from the mouths of babes. He didn’t say when you have to wrestle a girl, just a friend.
There are little boys who wrestle girls and have come to respect their abilities. Studies indicate the power and muscle strength of boys and girls are similar at younger ages. There are yet other boys who believe that just because they are male, they will beat the girl. These are heartbroken and frankly, really pissed when a girl beats them. I’ve seen it. Our little wrestler “likes to make the boys cry.” She’s cute and they overlook her at first. It is humbling for the boys.
As a grandma of a little girl wrestler, I believe the boys and girls can be evenly matched depending upon their weight, training and length of participation in a sport dependent upon technique. If the children have similar training and are of the same weight, they don’t seem to get all bent out of shape about wrestling the opposite gender. Perhaps we shouldn’t either when they are small.
What About As They Mature?
Is it appropriate for boys and girls to wrestle each other in middle school and high school? At the onset of puberty in boys, studies indicated the strength and performance of boys outpaced girls the same age. As the boys and girls mature it would be ideal to separate them by sex. It has not always been possible and at that stage the number of girls wrestling seems to decline.
There have been girls wrestling in boys programs and in some instances boys have forfeited rather than wrestle a girl. Wrestlers who make it to the state wrestling meet should be allowed to compete. Is it fair to either when the boy chooses to forfeit? Absolutely not. Both have worked very hard and earned their spot. Is it understandable? Definitely.
Some boys feel torn between wrestling girls and treating women with respect. Completely how you’d want your boys to behave.
Is it wrong for your girl to not get to compete against the best competition for her after winning her way to the state tournament? Sure it is. Both wrestlers have earned the privilege to compete at such a high level. Will it mar their memories of their wrestling careers? Of course it will. Should it? No.
Many states (20 to date) have sanctioned high school girls wrestling programs so there is no question. Girls will wrestle girls and boys will wrestle boys. The growing popularity among girls has dictated the growth in the number of programs offered and the state accommodations. Organizations like the National Wrestling Coaches Association (NWCA) encourages and promotes the sport for women.
In Iowa six young ladies are ranked among the USA Wrestling’s set of National Girls High School Rankings.
113 pounds – Tateum Park (Davenport North) #18
122 pounds – Chloe Clemons (Pleasant Valley) #17
127 pounds – Sydney Park (Davenport Central) #15
138 pounds – Abby McIntyre (Glenwood) #12
152 pounds – Toyia Griffin (Nashua-Plainfield) #18
200 pounds – Millie Peach (Iowa Valley) #16
These brave, talented young women continue to pursue their goals and can be heralded as trailblazers. Younger girls look up to them and all the others who compete. Iowa does not yet sanction girls wrestling. I believe it will be coming if the interest we see at tournaments and clinics is any indication. Over 500 girls are competing in Iowa high schools this season.
How Does It Feel To Get Beaten By A Girl?
This section is used with permission from a Quora discussion. Jason Friert studied at University of Maryland, College Park and agreed to let me share his answer. “I lost to a female wrestler — twice!
I was a freshman wrestler with only a few weeks experience on JV. Both matches were very close, which I am not sure if that added to the angst I felt. She was a senior with multiple years wrestling experience.
The first match was in a dual meet with one of our rival schools, the stands were packed and every time my opponent scored I could hear the roars from the crowd.
To make matters worse, her boyfriend was a senior on my team.
After the match, i was extremely embarrassed and left the gym. I cried.
The next day in school – word got out and it was a very embarrassing day. Multiple girls came up to me to ask if it was true that I lost to a girl. I nodded my head and just stayed silent.
My team was supportive, no one on my team made fun of me at all, which was a big help. Wrestling is a tough sport, having supportive teammates is a must for sticking with a sport especially in the beginning.
The 2nd time was at the year end JV county tournament, i lost again to the same girl, by one point. I again was upset, and this time I wasn’t sure if it was just because of the fact that i lost, that it was to a girl, or that it was to the same opponent.
This time my coach talked to me out in the hallway as I was in near tears. He told me that I was going to fully commit to the sport of wrestling, that I was going to wrestle all off-season, that if I ever felt like not going hard that I would remember the feeling that I had right then. (I was fortunate to have an amazing coach who was recently elected to the National Wrestling Coaches Hall of Fame)
I listened. The next season I was my team’s starting varsity 103 pounder. I had 26 wins that year. My team won the dual meet and tournament state championships in Maryland — i played a role in that.
I finished my career with 96 varsity wins in 3 years, won our county tournament twice, was a regional champ and finished 4th in the state.
After college I was an assistant coach for my alma mater for 9 years, and the head coach for 3 years. We won 2 more state titles and coached multiple state champions while I was coaching there.
The stigma of losing or wrestling against a female wrestler has changed dramatically over the past 20 years, but I would tell my story to a lot of wrestlers when they were starting out after they had some tough losses or a tough season.
I had a choice my freshman year (losing to that girl was one of many losses I had my first year wrestling), I could have given up or I could have committed myself to working harder than most (year round) to get better. I chose to commit myself to the sport and it changed my life. It gave me the confidence and proof I needed to know that hard work and perseverance are the key to success in life, no matter what challenges you face.”
I believe Jason says it all in that last paragraph. One of the big take aways from individual sports is the confidence and proof that hard work and perseverance pay off in life.
Why Do Girls Wrestle?
I believe little girls may begin wrestling for all sorts of reasons. Brothers or Dads who have wrestled are one of the biggest reasons. It seems to “get in the blood” of families. Other girls wrestle to have an effective way to burn off aggression or high energy. Wrestling requires lots of different moves, strength, agility and speed. It’s a great way for little boys and girls to burn off steam while learning important life lessons.
If you’ve ever watched little wrestlers at tournament, you know they learn far more than the physical skills. Learning to lose these days isn’t always a popular lesson to teach. With all the focus on doing better for kids, sometimes discipline and learning to be humbled by a loss are not high priorities for parents. Wrestling teaches accepting defeat, moving on to try again, and being gracious in a loss. Watching little people lose, crying their eyes out (or holding back the tears), going to shake a competitor’s hand and the hand of their coach, invokes a sense of sadness yet is a wonderful life lesson. The little person then usually falls into the arms of a parent and really lets the anger, frustration, and tears flow. They’ve found their safe zone with family. Time and time again, you’ll see pats on the rear, hugs, and encouragement for the little one to go back out there, try their best and have fun.
The next time they’re up to wrestle, you see a composed child willing to give it his or her all. When they win, the look of amazement, success and pride on their face is awe inspiring. How many times can we send children off in a controlled situation, encourage them to do their best and watch as their confidence in themselves surges? It doesn’t happen in team sports quite the same way. Yes a hit or big catch, a basket, a goal or a touchdown creates a stir and sense of pride. But in the team sports, results are not on the child alone. Individual sports teach discipline, respect, endurance, and pride like nothing else, especially when you put your mind and muscle all out there like wrestling.
What About After High School?
Currently 59 colleges and universities sponsor women’s wrestling according to the Next College Student Athlete company. Three universities in Iowa offer women’s wrestling programs. Will there be more? Absolutely. As the number of young girls and high school wrestlers increase, colleges are considering their positions.